I should probably say something profound here.
You know, something that sums up the whole Lockdown Theatre Company project and what it meant. After all I did produce a lot of work, in a very short space of time, and paid a group of actors to act when hardly anyone else was.
But writing this account on Substack, putting out a post a week for 20+ weeks, as well as being a way of telling the story of The Lockdown Theatre Company was also an attempt to recreate the creative process of making a film a week, for 20 weeks, during 2020.
And one wholly unexpected way in which writing this account in 2023 echoes what it felt like in 2020 is that I’ve got to the end of it and I am, creatively, knackered.
Maybe when you run a marathon it’s only natural to cross the finish line and then collapse.
What I primarily felt after the last film went out in 2020 wasn’t anything to do with a sense of achievement, but everything to do with a sense of relief.
It was over, thank God. And I didn’t have to do another film next week.
Even now, three years on, I can remember the blankness. I can remember the feeling of being totally drained. I can remember intellectually knowing that I had achieved something remarkable, maybe even significant, but having so little creative energy left that I had no ability, or desire, to do anything with that knowledge.
So you build a parade, but by the time it sets off you’re too knackered to be in it.
Don’t really know if that analogy works. But that’s exactly what I’m talking about. When you run out of energy, you run out of judgement.
That’s where I was at the end of the films in 2020, that’s where I am now in 2023 at the end of this Substack account of it all.
So profound will have to wait.
Instead I’m going to resort to facts.
This is what I did in 2020. When the world shut down and we all stared into the abyss. I made 20 films in 20 weeks which meant that 20 actors got paid.
Well, that’s what I thought I did. But when I sat down and went through the films it turns out that there are actually 22 of them.
That’s because at one point I was overwhelmed by anger and wrote, and filmed, a script about Boris and busses and how terribly inadequate and piecemeal our response to it all was. And then one week the tech crashed on me and I had to put out a film that, in the best Blue Peter spirit, I’d made earlier.
In total the films run for 241 minutes and 43 seconds.
That’s the equivalent of two, two-hour movies.
I don’t know what to write now, because I find that fact unbelievable. Totally unbelievable.
I mean, I know I did it, but I can’t see how. It makes no sense.
And, biased though I obviously am, I think all the films are good. And, given the circumstances we were working under, I think all the films are beyond good. I’d back any of them, in a fight, against anyone else’s work.
But I’m biased. And knackered.
So I’ll just leave you with a list of the films, and the names of the actors who made them. And if any of the actors are reading this, take a bow my friends, you deserve it.
You really do.
Here’s the slate of films The Lockdown Theatre Company made in 2020:
‘And You Are?’ – A young woman takes control of a brief encounter that starts in bar. Featuring Kat Kleve. (5mins).
‘7 Years 7 Messages’ – The start of a love story told through 7 answer machine messages, over 7 years. Featuring Ashley Gerlach. (6 mins).
‘The Secret Of Invisibility’ – A story about how you can disappear in your own life. Featuring Kerry Gooderson. (9 mins).
“How I Said ‘F**k You’ To The Company…” – The start of a true story about redundancy and fighting back. Featuring Matt Aistrup. (6 mins).
‘CEDE’ – A paranoid sci-fi movie that explains how the aliens will really take over the world. Featuring Nell Hardy. (15 mins).
‘Bus’ – A rogue script in which I lay into Boris. Featuring me. (7 mins).
‘Diff’ – A film about disability, difference and defining yourself. Featuring Simon Minty. (7 mins).
‘Arthur’ – A film called up from the subs bench after I’d crashed the tech. In which a puppet speaks about age and anger. Featuring Mark Jefferis. (7 mins).
‘A Sort Film About Theatre And Class’ – In which Jimmy Porter makes a comeback. Only he’s not quite how you remember him. Featuring Jan Goodman. (15 mins).
‘The Last Man Cave’ – The start of a story about a small kid getting his hair cut in the 1970s. Featuring Vinesh Veerasami. (5 mins).
‘Smoke’ – A relationship reaches a turning point. A few things need to be explained. Featuring Celeste De Veazey. (5 mins).
‘In Which God Starts A Self-Help Group’ – Don’t need to explain this one, do I? Featuring Michael Eaves. (8 mins).
‘Solitary’ – A Geordie baby waits to be born. Featuring Georgia Nicholson. (11 mins).
‘Hill 235’ – A forgotten battle from a forgotten war. And a soldier no-one remembers. Featuring Josh Harper. (12 mins).
‘Spotify vs Top Of The Pops’ – A mother tries to remember who she once was. Featuring Lesley Wilcox. (10 mins).
‘The Puzzle’ – During the pandemic were we locked down, or locked up? Featuring Benji Dotan. (12 mins).
‘Curving The Run’ – Maybe running isn’t just exercise. Maybe it’s escape. But what are you escaping from? Featuring Nicole Miners. (11 mins).
‘Park’ – A meditation on parks shot when we were only allowed out once a day to get a bit of exercise. Featuring Sarah Magillivray. (13 mins).
‘An Actor Resigns’ – An examination of the nature of acting. And a manifesto for a way ahead. Featuring Nigel Godfrey. (8 mins).
‘Mavis From Moira & The Dawn Of The Zombie Apocalypse’ – A musical about musical theatre. And how it can save your life. Featuring Charlotte Swarbrick. (22 mins).
‘Choices’ – A doctor sends a despatch from the front line of the pandemic. Featuring Gemma Ryan. (16 mins).
London Calling’ – One city, two Blitzes, 80 years apart. And a song whose creation spans those eight decades. Featuring Guy Hughes. (17 mins).
Bloody hell, no wonder I was knackered.
Do hope your batteries recharge gently and before long your pen is dripping with ink keen to be transformed on to the pages that will forever be in the public records for everyone to read and inwardly digest! I applaud your diligence and persistence. Thankyou.
Jennifer Kendrick.